Writing - It's Weekend!

I'm sitting here at my computer trying to figure out how to flesh out a story that I am writing for a competition.  My mind is blank, the monitor is blank, so I thought, I may as well write on my blog.  I have the whole story typed out, but it's rough.  And, I keep bearing in mind (quite obsessive about it now .... thanks Les .... ha) that first sentence and first paragraph.  Well, here it is, the beginning of my story:

        He kept typing, his reply robotic in its distraction. “Yes, honey,” not hearing or knowing clearly what she had said.  Something about going somewhere? He was concentrating on the numbers on his computer. The job always came first, always. This was Wallis Becket's problem. He was addicted to his job; married to it; in love with it. Yes, he loved Helen too, but in his heart of hearts he thought his career was the love of his life. He joked about it, but the joke always had a tinge of seriousness to it.
       OR,
       Wallis Becket had a problem.  He was addicted to his job; married to it; in love with it.   Yes, he loved Helen too, but in his heart of hearts he knew his career was the love of his life. He joked about it, but the joke always had a tinge of seriousness to it. The day his fiancee left him, he was completely unaware, lost in the financial world of his clients.  He vaguely heard her say something, but was too distracted to understand the ramification of what it was she had said.